Category Archives: Sports Stuff

Final Draft Comments for Joey Harrington’s Sports Illustrated Essay in Defense of Joey Harrington

Despite What You May Think, My NFL Career Was a Success by Joey Harrington


You have some great insights in this essay, and you are at your best when utilizing personal experience to tell a story. Unfortunately, your thesis is a very unpopular one, and I do not think you’ve added enough evidence to prove your case. If you would like to revisit this essay, I’d suggest abbreviating your introduction, which focuses on the Oregon Ducks and does not even mention the NFL for 13 paragraphs. To create a stronger argument, you will have to get to the heart of your discussion sooner. This draft includes some worthwhile usage of direct quotation, but you should also try to include at least a few facts, like statistics or awards, from credible, peer-reviewed sources. Finally, in your conclusion, you state that your current goal is to “be present in the lives” of your wife and children, but this discussion ends abruptly. A full, paragraph-long discussion of the types of memories you plan to create would give the work a sense of closure and not the appearance that you were rushing to finish before the deadline.

Much like your career in 2002, this essay shows promise, and I am happy to discuss a 2nd draft with you.

Current Draft Grade: “D”

How Will Your Favorite Oriole Celebrate Baltimore Beer Week

September 2, 2009

Originally posted on

According to The Sun’s Rob Kasper, one-time Oriole great Boog Powell is set to kick off Baltimore Beer Week on October 8th by tapping a keg of beer aboard the U.S.S. Constellation.
No word on whether or not Powell plans to share.
Boog, already known around town for his home run hitting and barbequing prowess, may be the only Oriole playing an official role in Beer Week, but his involvement got me thinking about how some current and former Orioles may celebrate the occasion.
Erik Bedard will drink 2/3 of his beer and call it a day.
Albert Belle will…hey, what’s it to you?  That’s none of your business.  Get out of his face.
Daniel Cabrera will try to shotgun a beer…and miss badly.
Cesar Izturis will put a nice glove on his beer.
Aubrey Huff will…you really don’t want to know.
Adam Loewen will promise to have a beer with you then ditch you for one of his hometown friends.
Jim Palmer will tell you everything about the beer making process in painstaking detail.
Felix Pie will drink half of his beer really quickly, then stop, change his mind, and try unsuccessfully to send it back to where it came from.
Cal Ripken will drink a beer every day for fifteen years, no exceptions.
Brian Roberts will try a beer once because his friends and roommates drink it, but he won’t like it or ever do it again…he swears.
Luke Scott will have trouble drinking a beer for months.  Then all of a sudden he’ll drink like 5 in a row.
Miguel Tejada will celebrate his 21st birthday for the 15th time.
Ty Wigginton …“I thought every week was beer week…?”
In other news, the Orioles All Star Adam Jones is injured and the club has lost yet another series to the New York Yankees.


Andino Once Again Fails to Capture AL MVP Honors

November 23, 2009

Originally published on

With 27 of the 28 first place votes, Minnesota Twins catcher Joe Mauer easily won the 2009 American League MVPAward on Monday.

Mauer, 26, earned his third AL batting title in 2009 and helped lead the Twins to a playoff berth despite the team having a payroll less than 1/3 the size of the New York Yankees’. Mauer hit .365 with a .444 on base percentage in 523 at bats. He also clubbed a career-high 28 home runs.

Mauer’s stellar defense in the battery was also key to the Twins’ late-season resurgence.

In his fifth major league season, Robert Andino once again failed to take home an MVP trophy. A former top prospect for the Marlins, Andino had trouble breaking into the bigs in Florida when the club acquired Hanley Ramirez. As a Marlin, Andino made limited appearances with the team each season from 2005 to 2008. His 78 big league appearances as an Oriole nearly match the 79 game appearances he made as a Marlin during four years of call ups.

Andino was traded to Baltimore from the Florida organization in exchange for pitcher Hayden Penn at the tail end of Spring Training in 2009. The Orioles brought Andino in to back up shortstop Cesar Izturis.

He filled in for Izturis dutifully when the starting SS missed some time over the summer with injury.  In 198 at bats, Andino hit .222 with an on base percentage of .274.

Andino also hit 2 home runs this season, matching his previous single season high.

Second place finisher Mark Teixeira and third place finisher Derek Jeter also failed to win the award.

Luke Scott’s Joe Biden Rant

December 10, 2010

Originally published on

Just three days after his political comments regarding President Obama’s origins provoked controversy at the MLB Winter Meetings, Luke Scott has made yet another bold political statement. This time, the “birther” and Orioles designated hitter shares his thoughts about Democratic Vice President “Joe Biden:”

“Biden was not born. That’s my belief. I was born. If someone accuses me of not being born, I can go — within 10 minutes — to my filing cabinet and I can pick up a map and I can go, ‘See? Look! Here it is. Here it is. Here is where I was born. ‘” remarked the slugger, pointing angrily towards the general direction of the United States.”

Scott continued:

“Come on. If you’re born, there’s plenty of documents. But you know what? There’s no documentation of him or where he was born. No legal documentation of him. I mean, who can point to Delaware on a map? Who has ever heard of it? My belief, bottom line, Joe Biden was never born.”

After news of Scott’s “Joe Biden” comments went public, teammate Adam Jones once again took to his twitter page to defend his fellow Oriole.

Said Jones:

“Luke Scott Luke Scott Luke Scott you still my boy [rolls eyes, slaps forehead]”

As they did after Scott’s Obama remarks, the Orioles organization has issued a statement distancing themselves from Scott:

“Luke Scott’s comments do not reflect the opinion of the Baltimore Orioles organization. The fact is that ‘Joe Biden’ is our Vice President, duly elected by the people of the United States. Delaware is probably part of the United States. End of story.”

“Joe Biden’s” phone number is unlisted. He could not be reached for comment.


Orioles Demoted to AA Bowie

July 10, 2011

Originally posted on

On Friday, the Orioles demoted pitcher Zach Britton to Double-A Bowie. Today, the rest of the Orioles have also been demoted to Double A Bowie.

“We just think the Orioles have a few things to work on,” said President of Baseball Operations Andy MacPhail. “Like pitching and hitting. And also fielding.”

Sources say the Orioles were nearly sent to AAA Norfolk, but there were concerns about their ability to compete in the difficult International League South division.  “I’ll be honest.  Given the nature of the current salary structure, it’s difficult to compete against big markets like Gwinnett and Durham,” stated MacPhail.

The Orioles are disappointed in the move, but they understand that this is not necessarily a permanent demotion. “We learned a lot from our time in the bigs,” said the Orioles. “It was a wonderful experience to have spent some time with big league clubs, like the Red Sox, Yankees, and Pirates. We will definitely take what we picked up from them and continue to develop.”

Buck Showalter has announced that Vlad Guerrero will bat cleanup when the Orioles resume play against the Richmond Flying Squirrels after the Northeast Delta Dental Eastern League All-Star break.

Anita Marks Parts Ways with CBS Radio, 105.7 FM Looking for Replacements

Anita Marks, a staple on Baltimore sports radio for the last four years, has parted ways with CBS radio. Marks came to Baltimore from southern Florida in 2006 as the afternoon drive-time host for ESPN 1300.

When CBS moved its local sports talk to 105.7 FM, Marks was seemingly demoted to a co-hosting position with the newly unretired Scott Garceau.

The Scott Garceau and Anita Marks Show was broadcast on the Orioles flagship radio station and simulcast on the Orioles-owned Mid-Atlantic Sports network.

Marks served as a sideline reporter for Vs. during the United Football League’s first season. CBS radio senior VP Robert E Phillips told the Baltimore Business Journal that Marks’ departure may be due to her desire to move more towards a “national sports platform.”

Of course, CBS should promote some of its young talent to fill the newly vacant seat next to Garceau.

Jeremy Conn and Ken Weinman have developed a following with their evening program, Playmakers, though the network refuses to give them a permanent time slot or let them move away from strictly sports talk and towards the more general “guy show” format these two are capable of.

Producer Mark Zinno could assume Marks’ role as the interloping out-of-towner, though Zinno, unlike Marks, actually knows sports.

Unfortunately, the four-year Marks experiment proves that CBS is committed to putting the most grating and unlistenable programming possible on air, so instead of promoting capable talent from within, they will probably look to replace Marks with someone equally as annoying.

Who could fill Marks’ vacated seat?

    • One of Willis McGahee’s children’s mothers. There are plenty to choose from
    • Chris Berman or Dick Vitale. Marks is looking to go national. Maybe one of these irritating national personalities is looking to go local
    • A set of Lee press-on nails accompanied by a chalkboard
    • Damon Yaffe. An obnoxious self-promoter with a terrible voice. A perfect replacement for Marks
    • A pre-recorded tape playing the University of Miami fight song on a continuous loop
    • Me. Clearly, I know everything. This is why I am so adept at criticizing others